secrets and insecurities
by Tsuru Maiden
Summary: In which another trip to the DunBroch castle has Astrid questioning why exactly is Hiccup spending more time with Merida than even Toothless? There couldn't be anything more between them... Could there? Merricup and Hiccstrid. Spoilers for HTTYD2.


**Author's notes: My first crossover! Been wanting to publish this for a long time now. I like both Hiccstrid and Merricup, and this was made from inspiration and fun. Admittedly, I am not very pleased with how it turned out because I think the characters are quite OOC. Post-HTTYD2, mild spoilers. I'm not very certain about the DunBroch castle's architecture and layout, so some details may be incorrect.**

**Warning: If you're particularly against any of the two ships, it would be better if you don't read this one-shot. Also, I sincerely apologize for any OOC, as I have little experience in writing about an emotionally distraught or worried Astrid. You have been warned…**

* * *

Astrid walks around the DunBroch castle, straining her ears for Hiccup's voice or Merida's laugh. The Vikings and Scotts had patched up the war that dated several ages back - courtesy of Hiccup and his skills as a diplomat - and as yet another friendly visit, Hiccup has once again brought her, Snoutlot, Fishlegs, Ruffnut and Tuffnut to visit the DunBroches. Honestly, Astrid doesn't quite understand the reason of the trip, since even Valka is too busy to attend as Hiccup's second advisor (Astrid's the first - well, according to Hiccup anyway) and King Fergus and Queen Elinor would only return when the trip was close to ending (They were away with Merida's triplet devi - brothers. Brothers).

Astrid sighs. She doesn't know where Hiccup is, but she wonders if he's wandering about alone again, since Toothless was currently resting. He has taken to doing that quite often ever since - well, ever since the Stoick passed on. Astrid has only ever been able to offer words regarding how Hiccup should continue to live for the loved ones still by his side, but her efforts feel inadequate and _hollow_.

It's not the first time Astrid's been in the castle, but its vastness still never ceases to amaze her. It's far too formal and stifling, though, for someone as free-spirited as Merida, Astrid thinks. They've both struck a fair friendship through the trips - Merida has taught her archery, and Astrid in turn had promised her an axe-fighting lesson. With the exception of Tuffnut, she supposes Merida would make up one of her closest female friends, not there there were many to choose from, though-

"Why can't it work?" She suddenly hears Merida's voice, sharp and exasperated.

"Because-" It's Hiccup's voice this time round. Astrid gives a small jolt of surprise - she's been trying to look for them for ages after they've abruptly disappeared, after Snoutlot suggested going dragon riding. Astrid had opted to join, but eventually left in desire of Hiccup's companionship. The diplomatic trip had prevented them from seeing each other as much as they wanted. Or as much as she wanted, anyway.

There are a few more muffled exchange of words that Astrid can't quite make out, but her ears finally lead her to a small, remote room with its door flung open.

"Have I ever told you how–" Merida's voice is low and husky and–

"Hiccup?" Astrid calls out tentatively, as she ventures towards the room. She wonders if they're in a heated discussion of sorts and if she's interrupting them.

"Uh, Astrid?" Hiccup stumbles out of the room hastily, straightening his clothes. "W-What is it? How long have you been standing there?" His tone sounds accusatory and Astrid frowns.

"A few seconds?" She flatly informs. Then Merida walks out of the room, and Astrid sees something suspiciously close to a hint of guilt cross her face. Her mane of flaming red hair is tangled - messier than normal - and Astrid's eyes narrow.

"Were you guys doing something before I arrived?" She asks distinctly. They both freeze at the exact same time.

"No!" Hiccup and Merida chorus together. They exhange a look and Astrid's throat tightens. There couldn't be anything more than friendship between them... could there?

"Alright, then." Her voice is even but hollow at the same time. Astrid turns and decides to spend her remaining time with Stormfly - alone.

* * *

"I told you she would find out," Hiccup hisses balefully at Merida. Merida returns him a look that is three-quarters irritation and one-quarter guilt.

* * *

She'll trust Hiccup. She has to. They've been through so much together, and when Astrid thinks about it, she's guilty for having seemed so petty about the whole matter. It was none of her business who Hiccup spent his time with, and Astrid knows she should at least trust him that much to know that he'd never go behind her back. They've entrusted each other with their respective lives before, after all.

(She tries not to think of how pretty and beautiful Merida is and how her light blonde hair and cold blue eyes - compared to the princess' flaming red mane - seem like pale shafts of light beside a fiercely blazing flame. Because Astrid is strong and Astrid is confident and Astrid is_ never_ insecure. That's what nearly everyone else thinks, anyway.)

With a renewed resolve and sincerely apologetic tone, Astrid approaches Hiccup and suggests going dragon riding.

"You haven't been exercising Toothless enough," she teases slightly, though her words are fairly justified seeing as Hiccup was spending more and more time in the stuffy castle (with Merida).

"I can't."

_Oh._

Truth be told, Astrid hasn't prepared herself for a rejection. Which is why the prick of disappointment in her chest is so sudden and raw that it startles her.

"I promised to go horseback riding with Merida." Honestly, Astrid would choose dragons over horses any day - but Hiccup and Merida are going, and she should learn to try new things too. Astrid asks to come along and backs away in slight alarm when Hiccup hastily bursts out "No!"

"I mean, er, that is, Merida says there aren't enough horses." He mumbles, a slight flush colouring his cheeks. Astrid blinks, still mildly startled, and a voice inside her head says "He doesn't want you around."

"Fine." Her voice is soft and firm, but as she turns away, Astrid tries to blink back the disappointed sting in her eyes.

* * *

Hiccup hesitates as he watches her go. He hastily glances at the sky, and realises the sun is soon setting. He's late for meeting Merida.

With a small grin when he remembers what they're planning together, he starts heading off in the opposite direction of the stables.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Astrid strolls over to Hiccup when she sees the latter in one of the castle rooms she's passing by. He's engrossed with reading something, a notable crease between his brows. They haven't spoken since she saw him disappear to goodness-knows-where, but wherever it is, she's pretty certain it was nowhere near the stables.

Hiccup nearly seems to jump out of his skin when he hears her voice. He makes up for it by hastily stashing the papers he's holding in his hands, but Astrid narrows her eyes suspiciously.

"What are those?" She repeats.

"Er, nothing. Nothing big. Just some, er, flying notes about Toothless." He's awful at lying. Hiccup hasn't been anywhere near Toothless these days, and Astrid knows it's not just notes because she's caught a glimpse of someone else's handwriting on that paper.

(Merida's).

"Can I take a look then?" She asks pointedly.

"It's not important–"

"But you let_ Merida_ write on it–"

"How did you know?" She's pretty sure there's worry in his voice.

"So she did." Astrid concludes speculatively. At those words up, Hiccup groans and buries his head in his hands.

"You seem to be spending a lot of time with Merida these days," Astrid persists. She hates it. She sounds whiny. She sounds childish. She sounds petty and most of all, she sounds_ afraid_. And Astrid Hofferson is never afraid. She's faced vikings, she's faced dragons, and she can't face Hiccup's (possible) rejection. Pathetic. Just pathetic.

"I do?"

"Don't you?" Astrid quirks a brow and crosses her arms with a confidence she doesn't have.

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, are you keeping something behind my back with Merida?"

"No– Why would you even think that, Astrid?" She wonders if she's just over thinking, but she does detect a note of unease in Hiccup's voice. "Merida, she's just –"

"Just what?"

Hiccup doesn't reply.

Astrid's glare intensifies. She's angry. She's angry because Hiccup doesn't seem to care about the worry she's been nestling ever since his father's death, when she had felt like everything she did was never enough - would _never_ be enough - to heal the rift in his heart; doesn't care that he's spending more time with the flaming-haired princess than anyone else (even Toothless), doesn't care that_ she's_ the one that's his girlfriend–

"I mean–" Hiccup picks up her on growing anger and starts babbling. "It's just–"

"I get it." Her words are sharp and short and they cut like a knife.

Astrid turns to leave because she knows if she stays behind any longer, she's going to end up breaking down and crying, or braining Hiccup with an axe. And honestly, she doesn't think she can handle any of those choices right now.

She tries to ignore the fact that Hiccup doesn't run after her.

* * *

"It was supposed to be a _surprise_," Hiccup whispers hollowly. His heart aches and he is lightheaded, because he's pretty sure Astrid's crying - or at the very least, close to crying - and Astrid doesn't_ cry_. She'd have to be pretty hurt, and the more he thinks about it, the more the guilt in his heart threatens to engulf him.

He stares at the letter in his hand regretfully, wondering if Astrid will even turn up for the birthday celebration he's gone through so much to plan - with Merida's help - for her.

* * *

The wind tears at her face, stinging her eyes so much that she can't tell if she's crying from it or from the pain. She hears voices in the distant and attempts to speed up even faster, until she realises it's Fishlegs who's calling for her.

"Uh, Astrid?" He begins timidly once he's near enough, a piece of white paper in his outstretched hand. "H- Hiccup told me to give this to you," he squeaks. Astrid frowns and snatches it from his grip.

_'Dear Astrid,_

_Uh, can you meet me at the DunBroch castle at six? I promise I'll explain everything there._

_Yours (Still? I hope?)_

_Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III'_

I'm not going, Astrid thinks fiercely, the piece of paper fisted tightly in her hands. She turns to get Fishlegs to deliver her reply, but by the time she looks back, he is nothing but a speckled dot in the distance.

_I won't go,_ Astrid tells herself.

But when it's fifty minutes past five, she still urges Stormfly down to the iconic DunBroch castle anyway.

* * *

"Astrid?" She reaches exactly at six o' clock and Hiccup is already there waiting (for her? She pushes that thought away).

"What?" Her tone is icy and cold - a perfect match to the glare she gives him. Hiccup swallows nervously.

"Erm, here," He reaches out and places his hands on her shoulder, gently ushering her out of the castle's back entrance. Astrid stiffens slightly under his touch, her expression torn between anger and confusion. The doors of the backdoor are large and heavy and barred and she has never used them before. But today, the giant lock is gone. The castle door opens and–

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASTRID!"

Voices bombard her from every direction and Astrid blinks as her eyes try to adjust to the light of the sunset.

Her birthday? It has long slipped her mind. She's twenty-one years old. Twenty-one. The realisation almost makes her dizzy.

"Happy birthday!" Tuffnut half-shouts, shoving a crudely wrapped package into Astrid's arms. She barely manages to hold on to it out of surprise.

"Idiot!" Ruffnut berates. "Hiccup says presents goes there!" He jabs an authoritative finger at (Astrid now notices) a pile of gifts neatly arranged at the right, stacked against a tree. Stormfly and Toothless are settled there, conveniently, curled protectively around the presents.

"So?" Tuffnut demands sulkily.

"So we've been planning this ever since we got here, can't you remember everything Hiccup drilled us on?!" Ruffnut bellows.

Astrid vaguely hears Tuffnut's retort, but her mind is still reeling from Ruffnut's words. Planning? Hiccup? Did he–

"Happy birthday, Astrid!" Snoutlot and Fishlegs chorus at the same time. Like Tuffnut, they did not seem to have heeded whatever Hiccup's words were, placing their respective gifts in Astrid's arms.

"Oh, thanks–" she struggles, trying to get a better grip on the packages in her hands.

"Here, let me help." Only one voice is Scottish, and only one voice makes her freeze. Astrid looks up and stares into the startlingly blue eyes of Merida DunBroch. Shock runs through her.

"Don't look so surprised!" Merida laughs. It sounds a little nervous, Astrid can tell. "Hiccup won't stop asking me for the details of the castle and forest in order to plan this thing," she rolls her eyes a little.

"I'm sorry about the misunderstanding by the way." Astrid blinks, but before she can say anything more, Merida offers an apologetic smile and disappears to deposit her gifts in the small accumulation of them.

"Erm, attention, please!" Hiccup's voice, even when filled with nerves, still manages to commandeer respect and attention. The buzzing humdrum of chatter stops, and all (To be more exact, Merida, Snoutlot, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Fishlegs and Astrid's) eyes fall on him.

"Dear Astrid," Hiccup clears his throat nervously. "Uh, Dear Astrid," he begins again. "I originally meant for this to be a personal letter to you but, erm, circumstances have led me to announce it aloud, because uh, there will be many witnesses and if the situation calls for it, they can all join you in braining me with an axe." Astrid doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. She settles for a stony look instead.

"Dear Astrid, I love you."

"I love you like Snoutlot loves to show off-" ("Hey!" Snoutlot protests, put out)

"I love you like Fishlegs loves to read-" (Fishlegs gives a nervous grin.)

"I love you like Ruffnut and Tuffnut love to argue-" ("Why didn't_ my_ name go first?" Tuffnut howls. "Keep it down! And it's cos _I'm_ the older one!" Ruffnut snarls back.)

"I love you like my dad... loved my mum." Hiccup's eyes darken, and Astrid knows time doesn't always manage to heal every wound. "And, uh, I can go on detailing how much I love you, but I don't want to bore everyone. Again. Like the time I was asking them about how to phrase the contents of this letter." (There is a simultaneous groan from everyone but Astrid).

Hiccup clears his throat once more. "The thing is, Astrid. I love you, and I want you to be my lady." Hiccup raises his head. Their eyes meet, and Astrid swears that in spite of everyone around them, everyone involved in this celebration, he has eyes for her, and only for her.

"Will you say yes?"

Astrid walks to the makeshift podium Hiccup is standing on, her eyes cold and unreadable. He swallows. She steps up, and the audience holds harsh, bated breaths, eagerly awaiting her answer.

Astrid lifts her right fist and socks Hiccup's right arm. Hard.

"This," she crosses her arms, "Is for making me misunderstand so many things." Hiccup winces in pain, because as tall and as built as he is, Astrid hits _hard, _and that has never changed.

"And this," she suddenly yanks him by the collar, and all he can feel is a vague sense of deja-vu, before her lips crash on his and he's tasting sweet nothingness. He thinks he can hear cat-calls and whistles and hoots and Toothless' happy growling, but what's important is Astrid and they kiss until they're out of breath and break apart.

"And this," Astrid begins again, breathless and flushed. "Is for everything you've done for me."

"Yes."

The audience erupts.

* * *

They are joined by Queen Elinor and King Fergus and Merida's triplet brothers and Valka and Gobber later, when the celebration is already in full swing. Astrid remembers the dragon flying performance that had been choreographed - until Ruffnut and Tuffnut forgot their steps and decided to improvise. Everyone had laughed and eventually done the same (Snoutlot was more than happy to let Merida ride Hookfang).

Then comes the dancing, and Astrid finds herself partners with Hiccup.

"Hiccup–"

"Astrid–"

They both speak at the same time, and Astrid laughs. It's her first laugh in ages, and Hiccup laughs, too.

"It was an impromptu thing– Sort of. I thought celebrating your birthday in Scotland would make it more special. Merida agreed to help me since King Fergus and Queen Elinor wouldn't be returning from their trip until the day itself. Snoutlot, Fishlegs, Ruffnut and Tuffnut helped too. I think I annoyed them a rather lot, actually." Hiccup laughs sheepishly.

"I'm sorry." The words tumble out of her mouth, ashamed and apologetic. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

"It's okay."

No more words are needed. Astrid looks down, a little disheartened despite Hiccup's assurance, until she feels his callous hand cup her cheek up slightly.

"Look, Astrid, everyone's been great since," Hiccup falters slightly. "Since dad died." Astrid stays silent, because in the aftermath of Hiccup being crowned chief, he has never mentioned anything related to Stoick - except, maybe to Valka.

"But none of them has been as supportive or tough on me as you. You brought me back to my senses when you told me to live on for him, and for those still around me. It might not seem enough to you, but to me, it was something great."

Astrid stays silent - this time to process the words Hiccup has dealt her. She has never realised how the helplessness that plagued her, in seemingly being unable to help Hiccup, and how it has blinded her to insecurity in the end.

"In case you don't like it mom's actually planning another one back at Berk–"

"I love it."

Hiccup pauses.

"But I love you even more."

They laugh and dance and kiss and Astrid _smiles_.

* * *

_/ Bonus /_

_._

"Oh for God's sake, Hiccup, leave the door open! It's so_ stuffy_ in here–" Merida snaps sharply.

"But what if Astrid sees us?" Hiccup hisses nervously, his hands tightening their grip on the piece of paper that is Astrid's top secret birthday plans. He has gotten Snoutlot to rally a dragon ride for Astrid to leave, and Merida has been nice enough to agree to the birthday surprise, seeing as she was the only one besides the King and Queen that could understand and fully utilize the castle's architecture.

"We chose this bloody room for a reason! It's secluded," Merida points out, arms crossed. She hurriedly stalks to the door and throws it open forcefully. Merida wonders if she will regret going along with the plan, but she's too far in to back out now.

* * *

Yes, she does regret it. Especially after a brainstorming session leaves her with four out of her five ideas shot down by Hiccup's sarcastic tongue.

"Why can't it work?" Merida finally demands, tired and impatient, mussing up her fiery red hair as she clutches her head and lets out a frustrated groan. They have been in the room for hours, and even Hiccup's normally neat attire is wrinkled from sitting down.

"Because–" Hiccup clears his throat and fidgets slightly. He lowers his voice. "Because it's not special enough. And Astrid is. Astrid deserves– Well,_ more_. I haven't been spending much time with her lately, even though she's been so supportive and just_ strong_ after– after–" Hiccup trails off, but Merida gets the message.

The words 'After my dad died" hangs in the air like a heavy curtain. She's heard the news. Merida can't imagine losing her father - but she's come close enough to losing one of her parents to know how it feels.

"I want to make this special for her. No matter what." It is both a soft whisper and a serious vow and Merida looks at the silent but fierce determination in Hiccup's eyes. She doesn't think she's ever heard the same intensity in his voice before when he describes anyone else. Astrid's special.

"Have I ever told you how annoying you can be when you're so serious about her?" Merida's voice is hoarse from lack of water and impatient outbursts, but Hiccup can still hear the teasing note in her voice. He grins wryly, apologetically, until -

"Hiccup?" They stare at each other for a split second before realisation strikes them.

It's Astrid.

Oh_ no_.

* * *

"I told you she would find out," Hiccup is frantic and nervous and baleful and horrified and Merida just glares at him with a mixture of irritation and guilt.

* * *

"Hey, I swear I found this amazing clearing that Astrid will adore–" Merida is enthusiastic as she rambles on, partially to cover up the slight guilt she feels for nearly jeopardizing Hiccup's plan. In her defense, he was being a little too uptight and serious and stressed about the surprise, but considering that it's Astrid, Merida supposes it's understandable.

_Love_, she shakes her head. She wonders if she'll ever fully understand it.


End file.
